Saturday, January 28, 2012

Google Freaks

  I like to play a game with Google sometimes. I come up with some random topic off the top of my head and see what are the fewest amount of letters it takes for it to come up in the automatic suggestions. I’m not sure yet on how to determine the winner though, except in cases where I type in something like “Ho-“ and in the suggestion box, the question “How many hairs are on a fly’s anus?” pops up. At which point I unplug the computer, cut off all the power to the house, cut the phone line and hide under the bed. Because nobody’s that good. NOBODY!

  You see, this is the type of shit that makes people start wrapping themselves in aluminum foil to block the brain scans from the CIA satellites. And as insane as that is, how could you argue with them? I mean, how else would Google be getting this information? What legitimate response could you give a crazy person that would make any sense even to a sane person? That within the last week or so, an overwhelming majority of people in the world decided to get interested in the study of insect ass hairs? But I’m sure the answer to that would be “Then that means that they’re not reading our minds...they’re implanting thoughts!” And really, what other explanation could there be?  So why does Google want us thinking about hairy fly anuses? They’re freaks, that’s why.

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